LifeWay Marriage Blog


Redefining “Party Time”
July 26, 2007, 6:58 pm
Filed under: Celebrating Marriage

Whatever the area of achievement, many people think you really haven’t celebrated unless you find yourself spending tons of money. The logic seems to go like this: the more money spent, the truer the fact is that you have “really celebrated”.

As a married couple, there will be many different accomplishments either of you two together – or each of you – will experience. It is important to celebrate all of them. How you celebrate may differ greatly, but celebrate you must.

We were just married and in school so you can imagine how much money we had. I like to say that we were so poor, we couldn’t pay anything – we couldn’t even pay attention!

But we celebrated the events of life often and having to do it inexpensively didn’t diminish the quality or excitement for us. Our celebrative spirit was not dependent on the amount of money we spent. We just wanted to acknowledge that something had been accomplished and it was time to party.

Whether it’s because of finances or frequency, sometimes you gotta celebrate cheap – and there’s nothing wrong with that. So here are FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE “WHATEVER” IN YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER $10.00: 

  1.  Dessert date in the living room floor. One of my favs. A great time, after the kids are in bed, to share together – maybe celebrating the simple fact that you’ve made it through another day with two kids under 5!
  2. Candlelight dinner at home. (Yeah, you’re right. This one could possibly exceed 10 bucks.) What can make this special is preparing your favorite home-cooked meal. That’s assuming, of course, you have discussed what that meal is. Talk about it. Pizza or pot roast – it doesn’t matter – just do it.
  3. Buy a blank greeting card and articulate in your own words how proud you are of him/her. One Thanksgiving Eve I placed such a card under my wife Selma’s pillow. My parents were visiting and Selma had worked so hard getting ready for them. In the card I said “thank-you” and also told her we were already in celebration mode. Regardless of how T-Day turned out, it was already worth celebrating because of the love she had shown through her work. (She was impressed!)
  4. Bring home your mate’s favorite flower. Just one … with your own brief speech to say you recognize her accomplishment.
  5. Rent the movie. Sure it’ll take a couple of hours but setting aside the time to watch your marriage team’s favorite  movie can be just what you need to remember another celebration moment for you two.

A final word of caution: be careful how you celebrate. Years ago, Selma had finally gotten a job after searching for NINE MONTHS in our new city. We “celebrated” that night she got hired and it turned otu to be one of the most expensive celebrations we ever had. NINE MONTHS later our first was born. We had previously decided together that she would stay at home for a while if/when we had kids, so her job lasted NINE MONTHS.

We had plenty of other things to celebrate – and still do – following that “short job” celebration.



Dancing the Dance of Anger in Marriage
July 19, 2007, 12:26 am
Filed under: Anger and Conflict

Welcome to LifeWay’s blog on marriage! Glad you’ve joined us. This is going to be fun. Fun for you because it’ll have some really practical stuff on how to make your marriage better – wherever it is today. A challenge for me, however, because I’m going to try to keep it be short. (NOTE: Please hold me to that. Let me know if it gets too long. Sometimes the readers of my stuff just don’t read quickly enough :-)

Anyway, let’s get started with a classic issue in marriages: anger and conflict. Remember these FOUR principles when arguing/fussing/fighting, etc. with your mate:

Anger does not make your marriage weird. It makes it normal. I’ve always said that anger is not necesarily a sign of an unhealthy marriage; rather, it’s a sign that you and your mate both have a pulse. It is not a matter of if, but when the anger occurs, what will you do with it?

Chill first. Don’t try to “argue through” the conflict. Working with your mate to resolve a conflict can actually bring you closer together on the other side, but not if you are still emotionally hot when you talk. Imagine a husband about to leave for a few minutes to cool off before they discuss their conflict, and the wife says in her angriest and most vicious tone, “You come right back here. We are going to solve this issue RIGHT NOW and we’re going to be a lot closer when we are through!” Yeah, right.

Instead, tell your mate you are angry and then “go to your corners”. Take a 5-10 minute break. Can’t wait that long? Count to 10. Do something 1) to keep from snapping back at the last hateful thing your mate said; and 2) to lower the emotional level so you don’t say things in the heat of the moment you’ll regret later.

Discuss, don’t blame. Talk about how you feel, not what he did. Talk about how you saw the situation, not how stupid she is. No cheap shots here. They are simply and completely unproductive. (And if you have read this far, you are looking for some productivity in your conflicts!)

Finally, pray about what kind of conflict manager you are. You as an individual. How can you improve as one-half of this conflict-handling team? For example, do you make your mate feel confident enough in this relationship to disagree with you? (You need his/her honesty whether that is agreeing with you or not.) Ask God to show you how you can do this anger thing better with your mate.

The anger aspect of marriage represents by far the biggest area of growth in our own marriage, so I could go on and on. I won’t though, because I don’t want a lot of responses saying your first blog was “too long”!

But do me this favor: let me know what the most challenging part of anger and conflict in your marriage?



Marriage Requires Coordination!
July 10, 2007, 3:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Marriage requires coordination – somewhat like this …



Marriage On the Run
July 10, 2007, 3:12 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Rev. Marr and FamThis is a marriage blog test post.