Filed under: Communication
Got to try something recently that I’ve wanted to do all of my life – and would have “weenied out” had it not been for Selma, my encouraging (insistent) wife. I took a 2-hour surfing lesson. On an overdue anniversary trip to Hawaii (our first, but aren’t all trips to Hawaii overdue?), I found myself in Hanalei Bay with a 12-foot surfboard. My instructor is the current long board surfing world champion. Just him and me. He was much more confident than I was that I could catch a wave.
This is what I saw myself doing.
This is closer to what I was actually doing most of the time!
The instructor was great and the whole experience was amazing. It was actually a little easier than I had imagined. In fact, I actually rode a 10 foot wave for about 45-50 seconds! Thought I was ready for the pipeline!
Chris, my teacher, mentioned that the 10-12 foot waves we were dealing with in Hanalei Bay had actually begun with storms in the Aleutian Islands – around four to seven days earlier! “You know they’re coming,” he said. ”You just gotta be ready for them.”
The holidays are on the way. “You know they’re coming. You just gotta be ready for them.” So how does a marriage get ready for the excitement, but the pressure, the stress and the energy demands of the holiday season?
In advance, perhaps just after Thanksgiving, get with your mate to anticipate together what “waves” are coming your way in the next few weeks.
Consider these items for your “Planning Meeting Agenda”:
* Get the calendar. Recording dates on your family (and professional) calendars will help you “define” what this season looks like for you and your family. Does it look impossible? Getting parties, out-of-town family visits, etc. on the calendar might show that you need to make some adjustments here and there.
* Don’t exchange gifts at this point, but do exchange expectations. Put everything on the table. Are you anticipating some alone time during this season? How much ball do you plan to watch? Are shopping responsibilities clear? How long do you think we need to stay at mom’s this year?
* Share the one thing you need from your mate this holiday season. It could be support at certain events. Or let’s do some of the shopping together. Or it could be a hug and an ‘I love you’ each day. A wife might share how she wants to grow spiritually. A husband might say he needs them not to forget about sex during the holidays. (A little help with the shopping might make that one more possible!)
* Plan a date each holiday week. Sound tough? I’ll make it harder for you. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it doesn’t need to include Christmas shopping. A dinner or maybe just lunch. A slow walk around the block, all bundled up, could suffice one week. In the midst of the craziness, you need to feed your marriage. The connection and encouragement from your time together will give you confidence in your relationship and improve your holiday attitude.
Remember, the object is not merely to “survive” the Christmas season anymore than the object of marriage is to merely keep from divorcing. Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time. It is the celebration of the birth of our Lord! A few minutes of advance planning by couples can avoid some stress while making your family’s holiday activities more manageable – and more meaningful.
And yes, marriage can more than survive the holidays. A marriage can become richer in this season with just a little planning and dating. You know they’re coming. Let’s get ready!
