LifeWay Marriage Blog

In preparation for a speaking engagement recently  I came across a cool verse about marriage. The writer of Ecclesiastes was an interesting dude. He went ‘all over the place’ in his philosophy and back again. At one point he was saying all of life was nothing but folly. In chapter 3 he provided some great lyrics that many of us first heard on the radio in the 60’s by the Byrds:

To everything turn, turn, turn

There is a season, turn, turn, turn

And a time to every purpose under heaven…

But in chapter 9 he gets personal with this marriage stuff. The philosophy becomes frighteningly simply yet undeniably wise:

“Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life…” (HSCB)

No wonder they said he had such wisdom! How can you beat that for marriage enrichment?

Enjoy. Simple as that.

If you are having fun with your mate, don’t feel guilty about it. Enjoy.

If you have lost that loving feeling and don’t have anything in common, work through it:

• Brainstorm together.
• Pray for creativity.
• Like the shepherd looking for that 100th sheep, desperately seek to find that new common activity you and your mate can do together.

Working to get to a point of enjoying each other again is not only okay, it’s biblical. And being biblical means it pleases God. That means it pleases God when

1. you make love with your mate
2. find a hobby to do together (in addition to number one!)
3. laugh together
4. dream together
5. surprise each other with a gift
6. build confidence in each other
7. pray for each other

Be biblical in your marriage by simply enjoying each other. If you are not there right now, work to get there again. I’m not real comfortable with the phrase “falling out of love”; however, I am fully convinced that if you can fall in love – then fall out of love – then you can fall in love again.

Don’t apologize for enjoying your marriage or for seeking to make it enjoyable. It is a gift and you are taking pleasure in the gift. Plus it pleases God. A nice deal all the way around.

Take a look at this marriage clip. If someone were to ask you what you thought of marriage, what would you say?

 Think for a moment. You are walking through Times Square in NYC and someone puts a mic in front of you and asks you if marriage is dead? Perhaps you’d say “No, of course not”. But, what if they asked you to elaborate?

My counsel to you: follow the advice of Peter in the New Testament when he said, “Always be ready to give  an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for hope that you have.” (That’s part of I Peter 3:15.) Peter is talking about sharing Christ as our hope, of course, but my point is to be ready to have something good to say about marriage. Specifically YOUR marriage!

 No, you are not saying your marriage is perfect when you are positive about your it. But don’t apologize for sharing something encouraging to someone else about your mate.

 The bottom line:

BE PREPARED when the subject of marriage comes up. And,  

DON’T BE SHY to brag on your mate and your relationship. It might just be what someone else needs.

Whatever the area of achievement, many people think you really haven’t celebrated unless you find yourself spending tons of money. The logic seems to go like this: the more money spent, the truer the fact is that you have “really celebrated”.

As a married couple, there will be many different accomplishments either of you two together – or each of you – will experience. It is important to celebrate all of them. How you celebrate may differ greatly, but celebrate you must.

We were just married and in school so you can imagine how much money we had. I like to say that we were so poor, we couldn’t pay anything – we couldn’t even pay attention!

But we celebrated the events of life often and having to do it inexpensively didn’t diminish the quality or excitement for us. Our celebrative spirit was not dependent on the amount of money we spent. We just wanted to acknowledge that something had been accomplished and it was time to party.

Whether it’s because of finances or frequency, sometimes you gotta celebrate cheap – and there’s nothing wrong with that. So here are FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE “WHATEVER” IN YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER $10.00: 

1.  Dessert date in the living room floor. One of my favs. A great time, after the kids are in bed, to share together – maybe celebrating the simple fact that you’ve made it through another day with two kids under 5!
2. Candlelight dinner at home. (Yeah, you’re right. This one could possibly exceed 10 bucks.) What can make this special is preparing your favorite home-cooked meal. That’s assuming, of course, you have discussed what that meal is. Talk about it. Pizza or pot roast – it doesn’t matter – just do it.
3. Buy a blank greeting card and articulate in your own words how proud you are of him/her. One Thanksgiving Eve I placed such a card under my wife Selma’s pillow. My parents were visiting and Selma had worked so hard getting ready for them. In the card I said “thank-you” and also told her we were already in celebration mode. Regardless of how T-Day turned out, it was already worth celebrating because of the love she had shown through her work. (She was impressed!)
4. Bring home your mate’s favorite flower. Just one … with your own brief speech to say you recognize her accomplishment.
5. Rent the movie. Sure it’ll take a couple of hours but setting aside the time to watch your marriage team’s favorite  movie can be just what you need to remember another celebration moment for you two.

A final word of caution: be careful how you celebrate. Years ago, Selma had finally gotten a job after searching for NINE MONTHS in our new city. We “celebrated” that night she got hired and it turned otu to be one of the most expensive celebrations we ever had. NINE MONTHS later our first was born. We had previously decided together that she would stay at home for a while if/when we had kids, so her job lasted NINE MONTHS.

We had plenty of other things to celebrate – and still do – following that “short job” celebration.