LifeWay Marriage Blog

I’ve been doing marriage counseling for 95 years. Okay, quite a while. One of my most profound observations is the immense value of trust in the marital relationship. It’s absolutely vital! I am convinced that – other than the Lord – trust is the most important factor in a marriage.

Think about it. If a wife cannot believe her husband, even an “I love you” is in question. He comes home 45 minutes late from work due to an actual traffic jam and she immediately suspects an affair. This couple hasn’t gotten to first base in a healthy marriage.

Trust is essential or your marriage can only go so far. And however far that is, it is woefully short of where God wants your marriage to be.

Let’s look at three different facets of trust vital to a healthy marriage:  

• Integrity. Keeping your word. Doing what you say. This pattern of behavior either develops or tears down credibility. And intimacy. And love. And the marriage. You’ve got to be “believable”. It the very essence of trust.
• Consistency. Being reliable. Dependable. Some call this being “faithful”. The cool thing about building trust is that time is on your side. The longer you are consistent, the more reliable you become to your spouse. And you build up a solid track record. Then, when the traffic jam does happen, your mate will be able to give you the benefit of a doubt because of your normal pattern of consistency.
• Fidelity. Keeping only unto him/her. Forsaking all others. You know the words from your own wedding service.

Here are two kinds of fidelity:

1. Sexual fidelity – When one mate is not sexually “fidel” (new word?), an immediate shattering of trust results. However, two married people who are making love only to each other – but they are making love – the trust has potential to grow and grow.
2. Social fidelity – Showing that your mate is priority over everyone else but the Lord Himself. When you said “forsaking all others” it meant all others. That includes former boy/girlfriends, parents family, etc. Not that you never again speak to family members. They are just no longer the social priority in your life. When your spouse sees that you are serious about your priorities, security and trust will spring up.

Note that none of these ideas are especially difficult to do. Rather, it is the cumulation of many little things that often builds trust. As the Swahili proverb goes, “Drop by drop, the bucket fills.” So build trust in your mate – drop by drop.

We will indeed talk more about various aspects of trust later. It is a ‘super soapbox’ of mine. May the Lord help you to see the significance of daily building a few more ‘drops of trust’ in your mate – for His glory.